This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
