Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
