At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He has the fingertips of a God
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
