Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
