you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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