when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
