pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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