i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
