No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
