It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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