If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
