dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
