If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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