he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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