I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
