Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
