Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
