remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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