you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
