I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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