and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
