I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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