Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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