I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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