Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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