walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
