I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
