do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
