I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
