...so i touched it.
Just cropdusted the office
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
