i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
