This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
