Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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