Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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