so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
