So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
