Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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