Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
