i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
