matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
