This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
