I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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