I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
