My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
