It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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