Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Houston, we have a blender
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
