btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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