In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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