Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
