Do vagina's smell?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
