Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
