we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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