I wish I could punch you in the face.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
