Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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