Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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