Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
