He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
